New York - Ask any cop and he or she will tell you that drug tests don’t lie. But, there’s a new mom in upstate New York who will attest to the fact that the results of such tests can get it wrong, says the Association of Mature American Citizens.  

Imperial, California - Romanian witches are using the Internet to cast spells thanks to a younger generation of sorceresses. Millennial enchantress Cassandra Buzea says why not bring the ancient art of witchcraft into the 21st century via the worldwide web. She told Reuters: “A truly powerful witch can solve problems from a distance.” Her mom was quick to join her daughter in offering their services to clients throughout the world, according to the Association of Mature American Citizens. And now, it is estimated that some 4,000 witches throughout the country are in the business of casting electronic spells. 

Imperial, California - A pair of Florida teens recently skipped class to go swimming off the coast of Vilano Beach, FL and were carried away by a strong ocean current. Tyler Smith and Heather Brown wound up two miles offshore treading water for some two hours. The 17-year-olds said they were so scared at the prospect of drowning that they prayed as hard as they could. And, their prayers were answered. 

Budapest, Hungary - Ask a Hungarian and he or she is likely to tell you that Hungary’s capital, Budapest, is famous for its spas. But, the Association of Mature American Citizens reports that the “Queen of the Danube,” is fast gaining a reputation for its edgy grasp of 21st Century technology. 

Schuyler, Nebraska - Two guys got up early one morning recently to clean up after Platte River floodwaters near Schuyler, receded recently. And, as fate would have it, they were well rewarded at the end of a hard day’s work, reports the Association of Mature American Citizens.

Washington, DC - Spring is a popular time to move, but unfortunately, people aren’t the only ones on the move. U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue Thursday signed a national proclamation to declare April “Invasive Plant Pest and Disease Awareness Month,” during a critical time when damaging invasive species known as Hungry Pests emerge and can be easily spread in the things people pack and move, such as outdoor items like grills, gardening equipment, wading pools and bicycles or patio furniture.